the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
