It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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