Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize