if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
