At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize