Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
