so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
