At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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