your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
