How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
