I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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