Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
