If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
