Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
