I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
