I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
