We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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