U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
