he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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