Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
