you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
