and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
