I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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