No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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