her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
