I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All the doctor said was why
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
