Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
