I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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