I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
