It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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