my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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