She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize