It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
