So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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