I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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