I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
