that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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