Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
