Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
