I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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