I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
