He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
