OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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