I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
