come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
