Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
