I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
