Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
