dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
