Your dad touched me again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
