Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
