i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize