You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
