Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
