I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
