I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
