You really coming over, don't trick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
