I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
