:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
