I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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