2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
