Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
