She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
