So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
