So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
