If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had sex on a roof
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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