Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
