I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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